Editor’s Note: This is part 8 in a 10-part series on Sex and Intimacy. Click here to read from the beginning.
Come on, we’ve all done it. You have a great night of sex and can’t wait to tell your friends about it. Or the reverse – the sex is so bad you can’t wait to tell your friends about it!
Usually this happens when we are single and it is safe to tell the story, but what happens when you need to vent about a sex or intimacy issue with your mate, the same guy you’ll be bringing to your friend’s summer BBQ? This is where things get sticky.
We all need reassurance that we are “normal” in that department and that other people have or are experiencing the same thing. Sometimes we need our friends to tell us when something is not right so we can fix it. Either way, good friends are an important gauge in many of life’s experiences, and that includes sex and intimacy with your mate.
Now, I’m not a big fan of telling my circle of friends specific details about my sex life. But I do think it is important to have a sounding board about these issues with at least one good friend.
The last thing I want to do is betray the trust I have in my mate, but we both should have leeway to get support and guidance from friends. Sometimes a friend can clear up an issue for you in 5 minutes that would take hours, days, or weeks to clear up with your mate. And there’s no leftover bad feeling from the conversation.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to talk about my sex life in an explicit way with my friends, and I don’t want my husband doing that either. But I do think we both deserve a sounding board about sex and intimacy issues in general, and having a trusted confidante can give perspective to a sometimes lopsided view of a relationship.
Do you talk about sex or intimacy issues with your friends? Generally, or very specifically? Has it helped or hurt your relationship?
Betsy Talbot writes about carving the lifestyle you want out of the life you already have. When she’s not writing, she’s paring down, saving up, and getting ready for a year of travel with her husband.