Shoulders back, head held high, and a grin of anticipation on your face. Isn’t that the way you want to feel when embarking on a new new challenge? The good news is you can.
One of the most frequent questions we get is how we have the confidence to do scary things like travel the world or be with each other 24/7. People often think there is a magic trick to this, or that an adventurous life is only for those lucky enough to be born with confidence.
Those people are wrong, and today we’re going to share our big secret with you.
(Click here if you don’t see the video below.)
Bravado vs. Confidence
We all know people who talk a good game and seem to have all the answers, but unless these people are actually walking the talk, they are merely showcasing bravado. Confidence comes from knowledge and experience, and bravado comes from fear and inexperience.
The fear doesn’t even have to be overwhelming to bring bravado to the forefront:
- A friend’s weight loss inspires the overweight person to dole out diet advice and warnings.
- The person who always talks about getting out of their one-horse town never even takes a vacation.
- The biggest complainer at work is rarely one to propose and execute a plan for fixing things.
“When the person talking shit hasn’t done shit, you can stop listening. Especially if that person is you.”
The Shortcut to Confidence
Confidence happens through a series of successes and through learning from failures. The commonality in both of these scenarios is action, because without actually doing something you won’t gain either.
The big secret to confidence is just like the big secret to saving money for your dream. It is all about bringing it down to a small task, one you can repeat frequently to build your knowledge and skill over time.
You realize that’s what confidence is, don’t you? It is merely learning how to do something well enough to keep your fears in check. You don’t normally gain that level of expertise with a one-time experience, which is why repetition is the key.
- To run a marathon, you first jog around your block.
- To speak in public, you first voice your opinion in a friendly group.
- To travel the world, you first explore an ethnic neighborhood in your own city.
These tiny actions repeated on a regular basis will give you the confidence to build on them, venturing further on your daily runs, voicing your opinions to strangers as well as friends, and booking tickets to visit your first foreign country.
Build Your Confidence Now
What is is you’ve always wanted to do? It may scare the hell out of you right now, and that’s okay. In fact, it is perfectly normal. What we’re going to focus on is the tiniest little aspect of that dream and turn it into a regular activity.
One-time activities can be scary. Regular activities are not.
Create a daily habit, something a little bit challenging for you to do but well within your capabilities. Maybe you simply start saying ‘no’ to other people’s requests as you carve out more time to pursue your own goals.
As you become comfortable doing this, you’ll naturally expand it over time until you are doing the thing that currently scares the crap out of you.
It is how we went from walking to the grocery store to taking 100-km walking trips in Mongolia. It is how we went from saying hello to strangers to creating an international network of friends. It is how we went from writing a weekly blog post to writing three books.
It is how we went from bravado to confidence and how you can, too.
Are you struggling with confidence and the ability to say and do what you really want? It isn’t other people holding you back; it’s you. Learn how to uncover your confidence with some authentic living in our latest book. Click here to learn more.